Siloh, I loved this so much. And such lovely thoughts and reflections on our Sundae School experience. So much resonance.
I leave you with a little thought I've been having: I've noticed my ADHD symptoms ramp up over the course of this summer. Perhaps I am reaching for a cleaner story to help me make sense of it than there actually is, but I have wondered if part of that ramping is a response to the "utopian authenticity" of the group learning and teaching experience. Not unrelated to the double exhaustion you felt returning back to the day job. For me, Sundae School felt like experiencing a concentrated dose of the quality of experience I wish my whole life was structured around. So going back to regular life has a deflation to it. I'm not exactly sure what the connection to the adhd mind is but maybe it has to do with the element of scattered-ness as response to trying to locate genuine interest / manufacture stimuli (therefore/in order to garner the necessary motivation for task completion) around life tasks that simply don't feel to hold actual meaning.
Thank you so much for reading, for your kind words, and for your insights! Scattered habits, yes, so resonant. I'm sorry to hear you also are experiencing an uptick in ADHD stuff, but I feel like there's some glimmer of hope offered in your analysis of that state: "scattered-ness as a response to trying to locate genuine interest/manufacture stimuli." That hits home for me, though I hadn't thought of my own (lately more extreme) scattered tendencies through that generous, redemptive lens. I think part of why I've been having such screen fatigue is because I've been constantly (or frequently) on my computer, but for the majority of my workday never really delving into focus. I can get so frustrated with myself when I get in these states--exhausted, but not easily able to stop doing things, even unsatisfying things. But in the read you shared (even if there is of course more to the story) I can begin to see the seed of tenderness, like I am doing what I know how to do to resolve an unsatisfying situation, even if it's not doing for me quite what I want it to. <3
Yes totally, and I sense that recognizing that an (albeit frustrating) tactic you are employing is trying to do something creates some space for curiosity. and for me, if I can approach something I'm doing thats annoying the shit out of me with a little bit of distance it becomes so much easier to redirect myself/make an interception. Like it kind of pierces the bubble of antagonism I'm carry towards myself (carried often without my own awareness).
Thank you so much for this - what you wrote about the internet and social media and community and creativity feels close to my heart - I've been thinking/feeling about this tangle a lot lately but have been able to articulate very little about how difficult (and exhausting!) it feels trying to balance/navigate it. You express it beautifully and thoughtfully and with integrity, and I'm really grateful.
Thank you so much, Kasey! I'm glad it resonated. Moments of connection/kinship like this make being in this amorphous busy web feel worth withstanding the noise. <3
<3 It really did resonate. So much of what happens online and in social media - lots of what you mentioned! - like learning about new-to-me writers, finding work that surprises and speaks to me, feeling connected (even if distantly) to other poets and writers and makers - all of that feels so valuable. And yet: the noise! And the exhausting-ness. Yup. If you're moved to write more about this sometime, and what you discover, I hope you will - it's so helpful to me!
Thank you so! All that is so relatable. I can’t even think of a good metaphor right now for that combo of beauty and static, other than maybe it is just that. Here we are, communicating within channels that are intended (slash, repurposed) to do multiple things at once: extract value, connect, share, endlessly proliferate without constraint...
I do plan to keep thinking about this! And please share if you have any tips or remedies yourself--things that help guide or soften your engagement in this realm.
Beauty and static = perfect! Exactly that. And I love, too, the idea of softening engagement - that wording. So glad you will be meditating on this. Me as well!
Siloh, I loved this so much. And such lovely thoughts and reflections on our Sundae School experience. So much resonance.
I leave you with a little thought I've been having: I've noticed my ADHD symptoms ramp up over the course of this summer. Perhaps I am reaching for a cleaner story to help me make sense of it than there actually is, but I have wondered if part of that ramping is a response to the "utopian authenticity" of the group learning and teaching experience. Not unrelated to the double exhaustion you felt returning back to the day job. For me, Sundae School felt like experiencing a concentrated dose of the quality of experience I wish my whole life was structured around. So going back to regular life has a deflation to it. I'm not exactly sure what the connection to the adhd mind is but maybe it has to do with the element of scattered-ness as response to trying to locate genuine interest / manufacture stimuli (therefore/in order to garner the necessary motivation for task completion) around life tasks that simply don't feel to hold actual meaning.
anyways, thank you <3
Thank you so much for reading, for your kind words, and for your insights! Scattered habits, yes, so resonant. I'm sorry to hear you also are experiencing an uptick in ADHD stuff, but I feel like there's some glimmer of hope offered in your analysis of that state: "scattered-ness as a response to trying to locate genuine interest/manufacture stimuli." That hits home for me, though I hadn't thought of my own (lately more extreme) scattered tendencies through that generous, redemptive lens. I think part of why I've been having such screen fatigue is because I've been constantly (or frequently) on my computer, but for the majority of my workday never really delving into focus. I can get so frustrated with myself when I get in these states--exhausted, but not easily able to stop doing things, even unsatisfying things. But in the read you shared (even if there is of course more to the story) I can begin to see the seed of tenderness, like I am doing what I know how to do to resolve an unsatisfying situation, even if it's not doing for me quite what I want it to. <3
Yes totally, and I sense that recognizing that an (albeit frustrating) tactic you are employing is trying to do something creates some space for curiosity. and for me, if I can approach something I'm doing thats annoying the shit out of me with a little bit of distance it becomes so much easier to redirect myself/make an interception. Like it kind of pierces the bubble of antagonism I'm carry towards myself (carried often without my own awareness).
Yes so true! Reminds me something Selah Saterstrom is always saying: change never happens from a place of shame.
Thank you so much for this - what you wrote about the internet and social media and community and creativity feels close to my heart - I've been thinking/feeling about this tangle a lot lately but have been able to articulate very little about how difficult (and exhausting!) it feels trying to balance/navigate it. You express it beautifully and thoughtfully and with integrity, and I'm really grateful.
Thank you so much, Kasey! I'm glad it resonated. Moments of connection/kinship like this make being in this amorphous busy web feel worth withstanding the noise. <3
<3 It really did resonate. So much of what happens online and in social media - lots of what you mentioned! - like learning about new-to-me writers, finding work that surprises and speaks to me, feeling connected (even if distantly) to other poets and writers and makers - all of that feels so valuable. And yet: the noise! And the exhausting-ness. Yup. If you're moved to write more about this sometime, and what you discover, I hope you will - it's so helpful to me!
Thank you so! All that is so relatable. I can’t even think of a good metaphor right now for that combo of beauty and static, other than maybe it is just that. Here we are, communicating within channels that are intended (slash, repurposed) to do multiple things at once: extract value, connect, share, endlessly proliferate without constraint...
I do plan to keep thinking about this! And please share if you have any tips or remedies yourself--things that help guide or soften your engagement in this realm.
Beauty and static = perfect! Exactly that. And I love, too, the idea of softening engagement - that wording. So glad you will be meditating on this. Me as well!